The topic of a second baby came up the other day between Mr H and I. We definitely want another baby, it’s just a matter of deciding when the ‘right time’ would be.
We have a lot going on at the moment, Mr H is focusing on building his business as well as working his normal day job, I’m working four days a week in Central London as well as doing all the ‘wifey’ things like looking after the house and obviously baby K.
Baby K is looked after by his nan four days a week, two of those days are half days as he goes to nursery in the mornings. Our weekends are spent taking little man to his swimming lessons as well as trying to fit in errands and family time. This is our life at the moment.
Mr H has come over all broody lately suggesting that we should start trying for a baby now, I on the otherhand feel a little bit more anxious.
I’m not sure what it is, well I am, but I have this feeling of anxiety when it comes to deciding about having another baby which I didn’t have with baby K.
I suppose the circumstances in which we decided to start trying for baby K were different. We were trying for six months before we found out my dad had stage four Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and needed to start a six month course of intense chemotherapy. This obviously changed everything, I went straight back on the pill, we moved back in with my parents so that we could be there for every chemo session and appointment and in general a solid support system for my parents. This took a year and luckily my dad went in to remmission and has now been cancer free for nearly three years. Once it was done reality kicked in and so did the panic, what if he didn’t get better and he never got a chance to see his grandchild. So as we got the news that his treatment was working we started trying and in September 2013 we found out we were pregnant two days before finding out my dad was in remission!
I speak to friends who have more than one child and they think it’s funny that I would be more apprehensive in deciding on taking that leap to go from a family of three to four. I’ve been told having a second baby doesn’t impact your life as much because you’re already in that parenting zone, especially if you don’t have a large gap between the two, you’re already fully equiped for a baby and you kind of already know the ins and outs!
My worries stem more around finances than anything else. If I had a choice I wouldn’t want to be a working mum, well not four days a week anyway. I would like to maybe do two/three days somewhere more local. I find the morning rush difficult with just baby K let alone with another baby.
If I do have to return to work what would I do for childcare. My mum has already made it clear that she will not look after two children, which is to be expected after all she has raised her children so I can’t expect her to raise mine, nor would I want her to. Nursery in London is expensive and baby K goes two mornings a week which works out to a small fortune within itself, I’d literally be working to stick my kids in nursery. I’d maybe have to look in to childminders rather than a nursery for baby no. 2.
I don’t think I’m someone who thought having a baby would be a walk in the park, but as much as you think you ‘know’ the reality is a bit of a wake up call! I think the fact that Mr H is working all the time also makes me think that I’ll struggle to continue to be in the job I’m in, which has an hour commute both ways, and have the same daily routine that I have with baby K with two children. I’m also very aware of the fact that even though it didn’t take long to fall pregnant with baby K it doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be the same the second time round, what if it take over a year? It’s a double-edged sword which ever way you look at it.
By the end of our conversation we decided to wait till next year before trying for baby no. 2 (because next year seems so far away, not!) this gives Mr H a chance to build his business, for us to add the finishing touches to our house and to be honest enjoy baby K that little bit longer. It also has the added benefit of baby K nearly hitting 3 years old so the cost of childcare maybe a little easier to handle. This time round I’d like to be a little bit more prepared on the maternity leave front, I’m lucky enough to receive six months full maternity pay, which is amazing considering what most mummy’s receive, but I’d like to take the year off the second time round and enjoy having two children for that little bit longer. I think it’s probably time to get saving!
I’d love to hear how you felt when deciding on having a second, third or fourth baby. Was it easy for you to decide on extending your family? Is it easier the second time round or does having two little ones literally feel like twenty?