I’ve been so busy dealing with life in general that I failed to notice that it has officially been one year since I’ve returned back to work *sob*
Maternity leave feels like a dream that never happened, a mere memory!
One year on and how have I been coping being back on the grind and dealing with a baby-OK I suppose, most days.
I mean gone are the days where I could snooze my alarm clock for that extra ten minutes, I’m lucky if I can snooze for five minutes and get in to work on time. Nope mornings are no longer what they used to be, get up, slap on some makeup, grab my bag and head out the door ready to tackle whatever’s thrown my way.
Now my mornings go more along the lines of, get up and rush to get my make up on before baby K wakes and decides he wants to get his hands on my blush brush, rush to get the car packed with whatever essentials need to be taken to my mums for her day with little man, rush to get baby ready, get him in the car, dropped of to his nannas and me to the station. As my bum hits the seat on the train, if I’m lucky, ready for my daily commute I feel like I’ve done a days work and am ready to crawl back in to bed.
My day feels like a roller coaster of emotions – tired, guilty and constantly switched on. My brain is forever trying to prioritise and trying to remember if I’ve forgotten something.
I knew I’d have to go back to work from before I fell pregnant, unfortunatley for now it’s a must, but I didn’t realise how hard it would be. There’s also this lingering feeling that you’re not doing either one of your jobs properly, well for me anyway. I sometimes feel like I’m juggling so many balls in one go that I’m not able to give myself 100% to either job.
I am getting better at saying ‘you know what sod the ironing I’m going to sit down and play with my baby!’ But I guess that feeling never goes away, the one where you feel like you’re missing out when you drop baby off so you can get to work, or the sadness you feel when they do something new but you’re not the one to see it for the first time.
Sometimes I have days where I just want to cry because it’s all so overwhelming, other days I’m on such a roll doing it all that you feel a little empowered like ‘fuck you life I’ve got this!’ Before collapsing on the sofa that night with a much needed cup of tea.
So have I got it all under control one year on – NO! Going back to work is hard, it doesn’t get easier but I guess you get used to it, because you have to. Whatever your circumstance, working mum, stay at home mum, know this you’re doing a great job! Remember if it all gets too much and you want to have a little sob do it or if you want to spend the day with your baby and let the dishes pile up, so what. We’re mums it’s our prerogative!
How do you deal with juggling life and being a super mum?